don't need a reason.

I have been listening to this song quite a bit, lately.

I love Beth Orton. There is something about her that is just very good: even in this edgy, patchwork version of this beautiful song, she resonates. I love true songwriters.

There is a deep healing that is happening in my soul. It is difficult to find words for it. But it makes sense that He would bring me here. I can't hide from His beauty in Thailand: the beaches, the people, the food, the language, the culture - are all extremely beautiful.

The paradox of gentle and strong was very real to me this weekend: a woman in her 80's gave me a traditional thai massage. Her tiny hands felt like iron - and yet, something about her movements were extremely gentle. I've decided that I want to be that kind of gentle-strong-fierce-and-forgiving.

As the healing comes, I am becoming more aware of the spiritual realm. I have started to have visions and dreams. It is amazing how God always takes us deeper - into painful things and into His arms.

"So I've been calling angels down to earth. An' I don't need a reason. Calling angels down to earth, because I believe we need them." - Beth Orton

water-mee-lon

I am sitting here with a big plate of watermelon slices. Mmm...

It's the first full plate of food that I have eaten in about four days. I have been very sick. Oh Asia, how you I love you even though you always make me sick.

My tum is still not the best. So, watermelon and yoghurt is all I can eat. But, I can't really complain. The watermelon in Thailand is sweeter than at home.

I remember when my little brother was a kid, he used to say: water - mee - lon. He was developing his own dialect back then, heavily influenced by the German-speaking girl (also known as "ish-girl"), who lived around the corner.

I spent a lot of time thinking about influence, today. After several consecutive hours of meetings where high-powered business contracts are negotiated, you can't help but think about what influences people, companies, nations.

Some people say it is all about money. But, I could add more things to that list: culture, religion, education, sophistication, peer pressure, family, etc.

It's not exactly a formula.

Sometimes, the least likely people have the greatest influence. For example, a certain nun who lived in Calcutta comes to mind.

My decisions and actions have been positively and negatively influenced by people around me. And yet, I have had the most outside-the-box life, which could not have been contrived by sheer self-will or the expectations of others.

I lived in a foreign country for several years and absorbed the culture like it was my own. And yet, most people don't even know what life was like for me then.

My brother's little-kid expression has mysteriously influenced my taste in watermelon: it's all about mee.

So, what causes someone or something to have great influence?

That's the big question.

go slow.

the river of life.

I am working on a project that involves a river that flows through seven nations: Tibet, China, Laos, Cambodia, Vietnam, Burma and Thailand.

It is hard work. I spent all day pouring over contracts and government documents that I barely understand. But it's also very interesting.

I mean, there is something deeply profound about it. I can't put words to it, but I feel it in my spirit: there is a river that flows from heaven, clear as crystal... and the leaves of the trees are for the healing of nations.

In other news: I gave directions to some tourists, tonight. So I guess that makes me a local, now.

Let the one who is thirsty come; and let the one who wishes take the free gift of the water of life. - Revelations 22: 17

a new friend.

Yesterday, I made a new friend.

Her name is Gabrielle. She's from Montreal.

She'll be traveling the islands on her own for two weeks. And then she's doing some work with "Wheels for the World", which is a christian organization that provides wheelchairs to people with disabilities. More information about what she is doing can be found here:

http://www.joniandfriends.org/events/wheels-world/

We met in my Thai cooking class. I am learning a ton of new ingredients. I never knew before that there are pea-shaped eggplants. Also, hairy eggplants. Who knew? The cooking classes are near my condo. And I am learning a lot. So, be prepared for a Thai feast when I get home. With new ingredients, come so many new flavours... yum.

After the class, we went wandering around the market at Mot Choi. Gabby was tasting Turkish ice cream (yes, the ice cream in Thailand is Turkish) when she said (in her french canadian accent):

"I think you have a lot of courage."

I said: "I don't feel very courageous... but thank you."

She talked about how lonely it can be to travel through Asia on your own. I knew exactly what she was talking about. The loneliness in foreign places is hard.

She also said: "You know... He has plans to prosper you, to give you a hope and a future...".

My eyes filled up with tears for a second: "Yes, those plans are perfect..." That scripture (Jer. 29: 11) emerges a lot in my life, in some of the most random places. And so, it was very reassuring to hear those words spoken in french canadian, as we pushed through rambling crowds at a Thai market.

Somehow, it reminded me that everything is going to be alright. Everything is falling into place, even when I do not see it. The broken pieces of my life will make a mosaic, some day.

Gabrielle is the name of an angel. I am very glad that I met her.

Sometimes, life is perfect.

at sun rise

I am listening to Wolf Parade and watching the sun rise over Bangkok.

The sky is a purple-magenta colour. Clouds are forming.

I'll be exploring the streets and buying clothes from markets later today.

But right now, I am praying for mercy to saturate this city.

And hoping my roommate wakes up soon so we can go eat.

Our condo is ten blocks east from the Chao Phraya River, facing north.

The Klong Tooey slums are waiting to be seen, somewhere to the east.

It fascinates me that Bangkok means "City of Angels": http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bangkok.

I have been thinking about angels a lot, lately. I believe they are with me.

"Just like my lover said. See, it always had to go this way..." - Wolf Parade.

All is not lost...

"I have run. I have crawled. I have scaled these city walls. Only to be with you..." - U2.
I arrived on time with my suitcases, holding everything that I packed.  
Miracles happen. 

Almost as a paradox to my successful solo traveling, I thought about my ex-husband for 

most of my flight.  This surprised me more than the fact that I didn't lose anything. 

It's been a long time.  

He lives in the exact opposite direction from Asia.  We never went there together. 

So, why would he be in my heart?  

I think it has to do with the way we took off from Vancouver.  

The flight was delayed because the "release" mechanism to push the plane off was broken.

So we had to wait at the gate for them to repair it before we could be released to go.  

The natural speaks of the spiritual, sometimes.  I have been in such a long waiting and 

needing-repair season. 

My heart has been broken, wounded and full of rejection. 

But once it was put right, we were flying.  

I felt that release in my spirit.  

There is something about this trip that speaks of my healing. 

"You carried the cross.  You took the shame. You took the blame. You know, I believe it."  

It feels extremely good to be back in Asia.  

I'd forgotten how deeply I love the beauty and chaos of the other side of the Pacific. 

I spent my first day in Bangkok trying to find my way to a good friend, an old roommate 

who is here for the next two days.   

I was lost for almost three hours, looking for her.  It is really something else to be lost in a new city. 
Asia is a continent of nations with no traffic rules, no street signs, and no numbers on the 
buildings. 
My Dad and I were once lost in Baggio City, Philippines, during a typhoon.  We nearly died. 
Our driver would drive in one direction. stop. drive on a little bit. stop. and then turn to us and say: 
"We are very close, let's go back to the beginning".  
It was extremely funny and extremely frustrating. 
So, I found myself doing what Philippino drivers do in a typhoon: getting close and then 
going back to the beginning.  
I'd get so far and then turn around and go back, just to make sure I wasn't totally off track.
Somehow, miraculously... it worked. I am no longer lost. I found her hotel.  
She was never really all that far away.